Safeway? What is she going to write about Safeway? I'll have you know, Safeway is very important to me,
My first memory of Safeway was in Amman, Jordan. The time a seven year old girl from sanctioned-era Iraq discovered that the world was much bigger than she thought. Rows and rows of perfectly shiny products neatly placed on the shelves. There were so many options of candy and chocolate, I didn't even know where to look. I especially remember the sour fruit rolls and my personal favourite from there, the Twin bar, which I still eat until today.
Sanctioned-era Iraq was a simple life. Just some small mom and pop shops with absolute necessities. I have never seen such a luxury. What struck me the most was the trust. These shelves in Safeway were filled with products but no one was around to guard them. I think in those days, there were no CCTV cameras, not that at the time I even thought of that. Visiting Safeway while I was in Amman to marvel at the products became my daily activity. I imagined and planned all the things I would buy if I had unlimited amount of money. Maybe my choices would expand past fruit rolls and Twix bars.
Maybe my ambition to have unlimited amounts of money had nothing to do with Safeway and everything to do with my desire that perhaps I could have more. At that moment, I was content with what I could get and that theme remained for most of my life. I was always content with how much my money could get me. Whether it was 5 dollars or 500 dollars in my pocket. I knew how to manage. I didn't crave luxuries.
Eventually I left Amman and forgot all about Safeway until we met again when I arrived in 2005 in Calgary, Canada. While in the UK, I helped run the house because my dad wasn't around but in Canada, I didn't take part in the house duties. I mostly just like to keep to myself, go out with my friends, or you'll find me studying, listening to music and generally lost in my own world.
In university, I had a relationship with an Indian guy. Our relationship started out innocently when we used to study together until one day he presented me with a rose and asked me to be his girlfriend, to which I said no by the way. I always wanted to be a free bird but I was always getting chased by men left right and centre, I simply couldn't catch a break. I don't remember how it happened but we started dating and all we ever did was fight. I wanted him to be the love I didn't get from my family but he could never be that. At the time, I didn't realize this would become a pattern in my life of constantly encoutering insecure men who confused love for control. He never trusted that I would ever stay with him or that he was good enough for me so he found a way to punish me for it.
Anyway.
We used to go on regular visits to Safeway where I would always grab a small box of raspberries and eat it casually while we shopped around and then I would stash the empty container in between the shelves. Raspberries in Canada were of a high grade and I simply looked at the small box and wondered whether I should pay for it but mostly I just wanted to open it and grab a handful and stuff in my mouth. It tasted so damn good. Just the right amount of sour. It felt strangely satisfying to get away with eating free raspberries before I reached the check out counter. I guess the Jordanian Safeway and the Canadian Safeway encountered different versions of me.
Why raspberries? I have no idea but this small act of rebellion gave me a sense of freedom.
Then one time my ex said to me: "One day you're gonna get caught and you'll be so embarrassed".
But no one ever caught me stealing raspberries from Safeway.
#childhood #reflections #memory #identity #safeway #nostalgia #wonder #sura #blog #memoir #personalessay
